A change is going to come

The landscape is all too familiar; the buildings, the people, the timing—all common fixtures of our daily days; integral details that our subconscious holds no further than arms length to appease the whispers from comfort’s constant lobbying for the status quo. As creatures of habit, it’s easiest to sleep at night with the knowledge that our microcosmic world will resume as it was prior to when our eyes pressed the pause button. So overnight with no significant development, we awake and navigate our unchanged territory in an effortless sleepwalk. No rocking boats, only solid ground.

My life in the past six months have been marked by attempts challenging this urge for complacency and a tremendous desire for change (financial, career, more education, etc.)  Although minor progress has been made, my overall attempts have been futile.  This lack of success in my endeavors resulted in a manifestation of anger and frustration. My initial reaction was to outwardly place blame so I began to equip myself with weapons, consisting mostly of an acid tongue, F bombs and one-finger salutes. Upon preparing to launch my first assault, I quickly retreated upon realizing that I would be declaring war on innocent bystanders that had no control over my lack of progress.

During my retreat I had a chance to reflect and think of what I was doing that was preventing me from achieving the next step. After a few scream matches directed at my pillow to let go of the anger, I was back dealing with this stalemate. I had used everything I learned, owned, built to move forward, so what was the problem?

Two nights ago, I was trying to fall asleep and I started to think of the concept of change- to remove and replace. The wheels in my mind started to turn and I concluded that before a major change, before making a move, or departing from a position from where you are, one must purge themselves from unwanted or unnecessary people, places or items.

Yesterday, I started the process of identifying what is needed in my life and what can be discarded for me to move forward. I started with the tangible items first, unnecessary papers, old notebooks; garbage of the past if you will. It may take a few days or weeks to completely purge myself of the excess that has been nothing more than a distraction, but I know now that I have a starting off point and I know that a change is going to come.

They Say Featured on MTV Blogger's site

My song "They Say" was featured on UCLA Alum and current MTV Blogger's website, it's an exciting first step career wise. If you haven't already checked, "They Say" out, do so on youtube.

http://thejmiblog.com/post/1351217160/mauricio-pena
thanks,
M

Short Leash

For some reason or another, there are many limitations that we impose on ourselves. In the past, my impulsivity generated consequences that have left me, to this day, feeling the aftershocks. As a result, I’ve kept myself on a short leash to keep my impulsivity at bay.  I figured with more self-imposed restrictions the less likely I would be to mess something up. So over the months, I continued to add to my list of limitations and the short leash that had once been used to “protect myself” had become more like a noose; each new restriction added to the thread tightening it’s grasp around my neck until no more air to breathe.  

Essentially some of us suffocate ourselves with “do’s and don’ts” that if we follow will make us a better person. Restricting ourselves from doing everything and anything will only make you want to rebel against all these restrictions.  After all, the limitations that we place on ourselves are not the only ones we have to deal with, society as a whole has their own rules and regulations that we told to respect and follow, so there’s no need to further restrain ourselves. Thus, it’s fine to indulge in certain things every once in awhile, learning how to do things in moderation rather then abstaining all together will make for better mental and physical health.

As for myself, I’ve taken off that leash and I’m ready to live life without such suffocating limitations. 

Loyality

For some unexplainable reason I give certain people in various aspects of my life undeniable loyalty even when it’s not reciprocated, perhaps to declare a sense of respect, maintain a status quo of some sort or a subconscious naive effort to receive the slightest sense of mutual respect in return. Naturally, I would think it’s common to have loyalties and staying true and sincere in our actions but it becomes problematic when our priorities are no longer our own but are of those who we aim to gain a sense of respect.

Obsequious behavior, although can be viewed to some as admirable, it’s mostly frowned upon. It’s important for us to stand on our own two feet and walk firmly on the ground in the direction that we desire, constantly yielding so that others have what they need won’t get you anywhere. We can’t live for others; we can’t live with trying to please or gain respect from others because that’s a never-ending game that can never be won.

Essentially trying to make everyone happy ultimately results in neglecting our own needs. Know where your loyalties lie and why those loyalties exist, most important make sure that this allegiance is not one sided, don’t let anyone take advantage of you.

Tough decisions

Difficult situations never stop just because we want them to; we either face them head on or run away until they catch up, it’s just a part of responsibility and getting older. However, sometimes even at our most earnest moments, we stop dead in our tracks because we see our options and regardless of the choice made, we will be at a loss.

I returned to working two jobs (Managing a lab at the UCLA School of Nursing and Bartending at Gulfstream restaurant) because I thought that I could handle the schedule. Unfortunately, after a few weeks I started flirting with exhaustion, I was far from prepared to do both at an optimal level.

Last week I decided that one job had to go, the difficulty was in the one that I decided to leave. Although I know that bartending is not something that will lead into many career options, it was one of the most fun jobs that I’ve had. What made it even more enjoyable were my co-workers, lively spirits that make you want to come in every shift.

With a few more weeks of being at the restaurant, I just hope I made the right choice in leaving to clear my mind and finally decide what my next venture in life is. Whatever way I justify my departure, it still hurts to say goodbye.