I use to leave doors unlocked and allowed for people to walk through any given time, befriend anyone with no questions asked, accept everyone with no expectations of what they should be or mean to me—in my mind, I just wanted to see the same treatment returned. Perhaps naïve, overly optimistic or stupid, I just thought approaching everyone with a blank slate was best for filling in the space without a preconceived idea of who this person I had just met was; in essence, I wanted for them to paint me a picture without my prejudices interjected.
It’s certainly been a long time since I’ve exercised or practiced this. It just seems that one day I woke up and realized that sometimes when you open yourself up, you leave yourself susceptible for people to cut close to the bone, particularly when you least expect it. Maybe I’m at fault for giving people more trust then we are capable of having without any questions or established boundaries for which to build off of.
Call me crazy but despite run-ins with some opportunistic people, I still want to be my former self, eyes uninterrupted with filters of judgment or caution, it’s just difficult finding a path back.
In a few days people will sing the lyrics inquiring whether “Old acquaintances should be forgotten?” And in my mind I can’t help but think of how awful that sounds contemplating out loud, but in reality, it ‘s a tough question that we have to ask and answer ourselves. Our interactions can be understood by doors, whether they are left locked, unlocked, pushed open, or kept closed--a swinging door inevitably shuts, whether one allows that door to remain unlocked is completely up to us. It’s just difficult deciphering which of those friendships make us feel good about ourselves because they are actually good for us or because we are far too comfortable and complacent to make new friends.
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